Ty Howard
*Below are actual queries (asked questions, in short letter format) sent into Dear MOTIVATION by professional and everyday people seeking motivation advice, and Ty Howard responded to them with his sound, practical, and positive advice.
Winter 2019 - Letter 1 of 3
Woman's Positive Attitude Struggles to Survive Inside a Very Toxic Workplace
Dear MOTIVATION: I am a positive and upbeat person at work and in life. I work in the government in a conservative office where eighty percent of the people from top leadership down to frontline service team workers have negative and disgruntle attitudes. I have tolerated and put up with as much negative engagement as one could handle, yet I still love my job and feel myself and others who care do meaningful work for the people we help and serve each day. I do not want to name and expose my agency publicly, but it's becoming a constant struggle to maintain a positive attitude and outlook inside a very toxic workplace.
Do you have any suggestions for how to professionally address this matter with top leadership and my director for hopes of changing the current toxic work environment for the better? I do love my job and care about the citizens throughout the United States that we help and serve each day, but I am at my wits' end. -- STRUGGLING POSITIVITY IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
DEAR STRUGGLING POSITIVITY: It is tough and draining to go into a place of work day after day knowing you're walking back into a toxic and unhealthy work environment, especially for someone like you who chooses to maintain a positive mindset and upbeat personality. Why not do this? You take and make a 'Positivity Shift Stand' by intentionally finding and adding a few creative, positive contributions to your work environment. Here are two suggestions to get you started. Meet with your director and ask for their approval and support to allow you to 1) Begin posting around your work area and sending positive messages out to your direct team members each week. 2) Conduct 'Lunch and Learn' sessions at lunchtime and invite everyone to attend. Have focused and honest discussions - in a positively productive manner - on what it would take for us to create and sustain a more positive and healthy work environment.
You might also think of placing colorful flowers on your desk to help you keep the sunshine in your workspace on both challenging and productively good workdays.
Winter 2019 - Letter 2 of 3
It's Hard to Love Myself When Others Keep Reminding Me of My Past
Dear MOTIVATION: I am writing to you because I have an issue that has me concerned, and I need some advice from an outside person. I have a problem with self-love. It might stem from my childhood; I don't know.
I'm a nice gal. I've made mistakes in my life, more than I would like to admit. With that said, over the past five years, I have worked hard to improve myself and my appreciation for life. I am doing this to help me, but more importantly, to bring my three children and me closer together. I've read ten or more recommended self-help books and attended a few open group chat sessions at a local church two towns over to help me find answers.
At this point in my life, I would bend over backward to help someone if I could. The small changes I have made in life have helped me and children grow closer. Then the noise and setbacks come again. Each time others who know me see me improving, feeling good about myself and my relationship with my children, they make it their business to remind me of who I used to be repeatedly. It's like no one wants to see me happy, loving myself, or enjoy life with my kids, so they have to remind me of the many mistakes and poor decisions I made in my past. My children are my world, and I love them so much! Do you have any advice on what I can do to learn to love myself more so I can have a better and happy life with my children? -- WANT TO LOVE ME MORE IN GEORGIA
Dear WANT TO LOVE ME MORE: Self-love is the starting point for being able to love and show love to others selflessly. Without loving yourself, you can create a disorderly emotion which can hinder maintaining a loving relationship with anyone, even yourself.
Your greatest need is to find whatever is causing you to struggle with self-love and address it head-on. We all make mistakes and poor decisions in life, some worse than others. Yet, you need to analyze what has been triggering your self-doubt or low self-esteem when people who have access to you start to remind you of your pass.
Low self-esteem can also cause people to feel easily unable to connect and love; this includes connecting with and loving themself. Many people who suffer from chronic low self-esteem feel they must continually improve and prove themselves worthy to others. To compensate for their feelings of inadequacy, they are often driven to prove they can get and do better to people they may have disappointed, let down, or who will not allow them to forget the past.
The one thing I am sure I and others reading your letter know—you truly love your children and they are your world. It's good to be inspired and motivated by our children and to want to improve and do better in life because of them. Continue improving and striving to strengthen your bond with your children. Stay the course, and ever committed in your efforts.
Here something I would like for you to try going forward. At the beginning of each morning and the end of each day, look in a mirror and tell yourself out loud in a loving voice, "There are women and mothers of wonderful children who have made mistakes and recovered to love themselves, their children, and life. I can build a strong character that includes high self-esteem and a vibrant quality of life." Try to stay away from people who only want to remind you of the negatives of your past. They offer your purpose, goals, heart, mind, and soul nothing good. Seek positive friends and healthy contributors to your tribe (life's social network) daily.
Lastly, you mentioned your childhood. This may be an area in your life for where you also choose to explore and seek advice from a licensed therapist or a trusted caring adult who believes in you, and will not judge you for what you share with them from your past.
Winter 2019 - Letter 3 of 3
Had it Up to Here with Manager's Harsh Words and Bullying Behavior
Dear MOTIVATION: I've been here at my job for three years now and am ready to leave along with forty of my co-workers. Why? We all work for a manager who talks to and treats us like trash. He continually uses harsh, very inappropriate words in almost all of his communication with employees, and hurls chronic bullying behavior around like its normal and acceptable workplace behavior.
The manager I speak of is the son of the President of the company. Our out of control bully manager is not a leader in any way, shape, or form. He was brought into the company and put into his position by his father. Everyone inside the company knows how and why he ended up in his position. We have reported him to Human Resources and even to his father numerous times, and nothing happens. His unprofessional, unsafe, counterproductive, morale draining, and temperamental behavior continues. I and others inside the company have had it up to here with this unchecked manager! We are all planning and preparing for a mass departure from the company real soon. We like the company, the work that we do, and working with one another. It's the horrifying bullying manager we all feel should and must be let go as soon as possible! What should I or we do? -- NEED A CHANGE IN SAINT PAUL, MINNESOTA
Dear NEED A CHANGE: Some managers can be charming and professional at the job interview, then switch into abusive monsters once you have the job. Some, like in your situation, are brought into the company through special favoritism channels and appointed their position, once in they show their evil colors right away because they know their bullying actions will receive little to no reprimand.
Either way, here are a few suggestions for dealing with a bully manager.
First, pause... breathe... think calm and under control... and keep your cool. Do not go back and forth, word for word, in any negative way to provide your bully manager with ammunition to use against you should things escalate to up to higher leadership. Next, work amicably and professionally to 'Change the Condition' or 'Change Your Position.'
Change the Condition
You cannot stay for a long time working under a person who is an out of control and unchecked monster, but if you just took the job or you feel you might have to stay a while longer for whatever reason, you might not want to begin job-searching again immediately.
In this case, begin documenting as many of the bullying incidents that you and others have encountered. What do I mean by documentation? When you get home, write about every occurrence of bullying you experience and other incidents not necessarily directed toward you, but you witnessed.
Then go back to Human Resources and the President of the company and request for a sit-down meeting. Once in the meeting, share your concerns and a condensed copy of your documentation. Express and outline to all leadership attending this meeting how you and others would like the bullying behavior to stop with this manager, and recommend for the abusive manager to be removed from his position or let go from the company altogether.
If the meeting or your efforts do not yield immediate positive change in this manager's behavior, then move confidently onto the next step.
Change Your Position
There are times where you have to courageously remove yourself out of an abusive manager-employee work relationship. Why? Because you believe in peace of mind, a healthy work environment, and working where everyone is valued, respected, and appreciated always.
If you are forced to quit because the bullying gets too intense, you can apply for unemployment compensation anyway. There is where your detailed documentation and records come into play. Remember: The more documentation you have about the bullying you experienced on the job, the more likely it will be of great use to you should you have to apply for and collect your unemployment benefits.
Also, keep in mind that bullies are very good at what they do. They bully their employees, and they may bully their HR colleagues too. Many bully managers have a force field of fear around them. That's why so often, even top leadership or their manager does little to nothing to stop the abusive, morale draining behavior. Senior leadership may be afraid of your bully manager too!
Work is a human place. Good and hardworking people come to work, and unhappy and unhealthy people do, too. Some people have no business managing people, and yet they keep their jobs somehow. Now that you and others at your place of work realize that you're working for an abusive manager, try to keep your cool, breathe... and remember: in no way, shape, or form did you or your co-workers deserve the abusive person, or unchecked harsh treatment thrust upon you. What an unhappy life to lead for this unhealthy manager! Look forward to moving up and out this toxic situation and never look back.
About Dear MOTIVATION and Ty Howard: Dear MOTIVATION is an American advice column founded on MOTIVATIONmagazine.com in 2012 by Ty Howard, founder-CEO of MOTIVATION magazine. In Dear MOTIVATION, Ty shares his sound, positive, and practical perspectives as a nationally respected personal and professional development consultant, best-selling self-help author, relationship and family values expert, and executive, manager, success habits, and business development coach. Need Motivation Advice? Write to Dear MOTIVATION today.
For more information on Ty Howard, visit: Learn more
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